Rant 1

Is it fair to want to scream F*ck You to a best friend who may or may not know that they have in some way hurt your feelings?
Is it fair to not text that friend because you want to see if they care enough to text you to see how you are holding up when they've been told that things are quite stressful (as always) or that they know they tested your boundaries of tolerance of unsolicited advice? Or that they've inadvertently hurt your feelings by becoming close friends with one of your friends and seemingly written you out of the equation altogether?
C'est la vie, I suppose.
I've blogged on our shared blog several times. I've sent a postcard expressing how I miss them. I've sent a youtube video to express how I feel about not talking with them in two and a half weeks. Pretty much everything next to a text message or facebook post. Still nothing.
I'm stubborn, yes. I could hear from them I'm sure if I would just give in and send a text. But it has come to a point where I feel it may be awkward and I'll just be self-deprecating as usual and say that it was all my fault, when I don't feel that it is. I take responsibility for not texting, but I've made more of an effort in different media than she has, so is it fully my cross to bear? No. Friendships are forged between two people, not one's self.
Maybe I should go check my p.o. box and see if I got anything in the snail mail...
Doubtful, but let's try not to be too pessimistic.
I love her and miss her more than she obviously must know. I don't remember a time when it was like this, but then again our lives have changed quite a bit in the last year.
She's in Florida now and raising her kids on her own with a wonderful husband with a demanding career of being on the road seemingly constantly. She's in school, as always, and making things work. I admire her for all of that, but I never hear anything that troubles her about that either, and secretly I've always found it a bit offensive that I'm a friend but not a confidante. I was warned early on by her husband that she was tight-knit with her kin and good luck breaking in. I feel his point more than ever these days.
I live my days working for crazies and working with mostly young adults with worlds free of financial burden. I'm raising my two girls with everyone else taking liberty to take credit for it and every opportunity to put me in my place. My ex-husband still has eminent domain when it comes to my location and progression in life. The weather here is awful, more depressing than anywhere else I've set my feet. If it's not freezing it is cloudy or rainy and the taxes and costs of living in this area of town isn't in any way uplifting either. The few and far between nice sunny days I can be grateful for but do not seem to outweigh the gloom anymore.
I'll get over it all in time. For now I'll just whine it out on here.